1983

on June 30th, 1983 at the age of 42 Allan Douglas Loker died of a heart attack. He left behind 3 daughters and a wife. I’m one of the daughters that got left behind.

I don’t much about him, I know that he liked to race stock cars, he did skeet shooting, he did those fancy plaster things you see on ceilings, that he worked for the same company for 18 years, and that he was unfaithful to his loving wife. I always used to imagine that when I turned a certain age there would be a package sent from him to me or a letter that would allow me to get to know him more than I do. My mom never talked about him much, whenever we really pressed for information she would say she didn’t remember. Now after her stroke any hope of any information is now long gone. My view of him is tainted by the acts of betrayal I knew he committed.

My mom had 4 girls and my aunt had 4 girls, needless to say I haven’t had a lot of positive male role models in my life. Not to say I haven’t had any but for the most part I’ve looked outside my family for role models. I’m a huge fan of TV, movies, science, pop culture, etc so the ongoing list of men with whom I admire is as follows. There is no particular order but each of these men have qualities that I imagine my dad would have had, or what I’m looking for in a future husband.

William Shatner

Photo Credit: @WilliamShatner twitter

Mr. Shatner is the father I wished I had, he is funny, smart, witty, loves horses, and he does a hell of a lot of charity work. With the social media craze Mr. Shatner engages his followers, fans and haters like no one else. I’ve been lucky to exchange a few tweets with him.

Lennox Lewis


I’ve met Lennox and we attended the same high school (years apart), He is genuinely nice engages with his fans. He is a family man above all else which is the biggest reason why admire him. I like to think I can consider him a friend.

Kevin Hart

Photo Credit: @KevinHart4real Twitter

I’ve been a big fan of Mr. Hart’s movies, and I always look forward to his next project. In all the interviews I’ve seen him give he seems true to himself, is compassionate and speaks with true passion about his family. He would be someone I’d just love to hang out with, have a drink. I would love to seem him do a dramatic roll to balance all the comedy.

Ryan Reynolds

Photo Credit: @VancityReynolds Twitter

I’m drawn to other Canadians as I feel being from the same country we “know” each other. I of course have never met Mr. Reynolds but meeting him is totally on my bucket list. I’m constantly amazed at how much of himself he gives to the world and have to thank him for it because he truly does make this world a better place. I’m slightly jealous of his wife who gets to know him as no one else does but knowing how devoted he is to his family (based on things said in interviews) I can’t help but admire him.

Dwayne Johnson

Photo Credit: @TheRock Twitter

The Rock…Dwayne…Mr. Johnson, whatever name he goes by there is no denying his genuine appreciation for his fans. He loves encouraging others to be their best. He has made me laugh with his tweets, and has made my day when he has tweeted me back.

Chris Hadfield

Photo Credit: @Cmdr_Hadfield Twitter


Mr. Hadfield, another Canuck, made space “cool” again. He made others look up to the stars and dream about what lay beyond. I have NO doubt that some of the kids he interacted with while on the International Space Station will grow up to become astronauts themselves. I haven’t yet had the pleasure of meeting him but when I do a hug is in order. His bravery, curiosity, and inelegance are qualities that should be celebrated.

Stephen Hawking


Mr. Hawking is a brilliant mind who doesn’t let anything stop him. Having to deal with tons of personal issues while producing mind blowing science is simply amazing. I wish I had only a portion of his smarts. I heard some years ago that he was coming to my neck of the woods to do a lecture and I missed it; I hope he comes again because seeing him speak is something on my bucket list. I have no doubt I would be hopelessly lost in the lecture but just being there would make me feel a tad smarter.

Nathan Fillion

Photo Credit: @NathanFillion Twitter


From Firefly to Castle Mr. Fillion has never ceased to entertain and make meĀ laugh. It’s his work outside of that I admire the most. He has lent his voice to a number of charities that I hold dear to my heart. He regularly engages his fans/followers on social media. Oh and he is Canadian as well šŸ™‚

Zachary Levi

Photo Credit: @ZacharyLevi TwitterOneĀ 

One of my favourite things about Zachary is the work he does for Operation Smile (http://www.operationsmile.org/). For the past few years during SDCC he has gotten a bunch of people together and raised a lot of money to help kids who like me were born with a facial difference. Mr. Levi is funny, kind, generous, and super cute! One day I hope to be able to attend SDCC again but specifically go to all the Nerd Machine events.

Joseph Mallozzi


Joe has been responsible for some of my favorite TV of all time. He has one of the most creative minds that I know and he genuinely cares. He has been keeping up a blog daily for a crazy amount of time and when I started my own blog I had hoped that I would be just as good at it as he is. Sadly I’m not but i’m totally ok with that. I’m super excited that his Dark Matter season 2 premiersĀ tomorrow and I hope everyone gives it a watch. You should also read/follow his blog (https://josephmallozzi.wordpress.com)

Jared Padalecki

Photo Credit: @jarpad Twitter


#AKF stands for Always Keep Fighting, as Jared continues to work on an amazing show called Supernatural he has been upfront about his battle with depression. He used is reach to let us all know that we are not alone. Many in the SPN Fandom have opened up and come together to help each other through some really hard times. I love watching Jared tell stories of pranks he and his casts mates have pulled on each other and I love seeing the love he has for his family.

Lin-Manuel Miranda

Photo Credit: @Lin_Manuel Twitter


I’ve only recently discovered Lin-Manuel thanks to the success of his Broadway hit Hamilton. I’ve listened to the soundtrack and like probably 75% of the world I really REALLY want to see this musical. I have watched a lot of the interviews he has done and he seems like one of the nicest people ever. He genuinely wants to help people and the territory he comes from. If I saw him on the street it would be hard for me not to give him a hug. On a side note I creeped his Twitter to find a picture and in almost every picture he has posted he is with someone else and has the biggest smile on his face! Class!

This list could go on-and-on-and-on. I know who I am as a person, I’ve said this before and it still hold true. I don’t need a “man” to define me but would be sure nice to have one stand with me. I like to think that some of person I am is because of these guys influence. As I continue to grow as an individual I will continue to seek to look to positive influences to help continue to guide me. On this the anniversary of my father’s death this might be one of the first years I haven’t wondered so much on what would have been. I continue to look forward and hope that he would have been proud of the woman I have become and that he would have agreed with the men I choose to look up to and admire.

Homelessness dream project

facts aboutĀ homelessnessĀ inĀ Canada

A few posts ago I wrote about what I would do if I won the lottery, one of the things I didn’t mention is this. I would work to build a shelter unlike anything else ever seen.

When I was younger there was a factory that went out of business, the building sat vacant for a very long time before it was transformed in to high end condos. The condos sell for more than my house, and they are really nice, I would probably live there if I was on my own and could afford it.

Sadly there are many who simply cannot afford to put a roof over their head and it hurts me to the core. I know that Waterloo Region is better off than some communities but this area still has a lot to do. Late last year and earlier this year a lot of places that allowed homeless to stay during the cold winter months closed their doors. This left other organizations to act quickly to fill the gap.

At work the other day I overheard a few co-workers making the same comments that have been made by many people who feel that the only reason these people are homeless is because they want to be, or because they don’t want to get a job. I didn’t say anything maybe I should have because I was making me angry but I’m not one for confrontation in the work environment so i let it slide but it has bothered me that my co-workers would say such things.

Dependence on social assistance and homelessness is not what most people desire, I’m not crazy I know that there are the abusers of the system but we cannot let the actions of a few lead us to inaction for those who are truly vulnerable. Many people will bring up the old news stories about those few that were caught as frauds and say that it’s because of those few they cannot trust and therefore will not help those in need. I cannot say I blame them but for me I have to see each person in need as that, if I turn out to be proven wrong of course I would be angry and want to seek retribution against those who were false but I would not use those few as an excuse no to help someone in need.

This brings me to what I would love to do if I did win a lot of money. I would buy a big building (or have one built) It wouldn’t be more than 5 stories high but ideally it would take up a lot of room. The building would hold traditional apartments, subsidized housing for individuals and families, it would act as transitional housing for those seeking to turn their lives around, and it would have emergency beds for the homeless every night. I know that not all those who are homeless seek to change their situation but we would be there for them if they ever changed their mind. My dream is that in this building it would also have showers, lockers, gym, and a cafe where we could train at risk youth the skills they need to obtain meaningful employment. I would have doctors, dentists, and nurses come in daily if I could to help treat the homeless, I would want social workers and counselors available to help those who have mental health issues. I know that I would probably have concerns about substance abuse on site or those suffering from withdraw which means I would also want a secure area where they could safely stay and not be a danger to themselves or to others. My goal would be to have someone who is homeless seek help, have an address for their assistance cheques to go to and work their way through programs to help them become who they want to be. If they got their own apartment and a great job because of the services provided I would be the happiest person on earth.

I try very hard not to pass judgement on people, I have had labels placed on me by those who took one look at me and wrote me off, I hear what others’ say about those in need, and I choose not to be that person, I believe everyone deserves a chance to be happy. to have access to proper housing, proper food in order for them to reach their potential and to be free of judgement and ridicule. I know I’m not the only one, I confided this dream to my friend Holly who said that she had a similar dream, I hope that one day her and I can work together to make this dream a reality.

I don’t have much money, I get by, I have a roof over my head and food in my fridge, I also have my family under this roof and I do what I can when the opportunity arises. I wish I had more money, more time to devote to helping others’ but I hope that I do enough and I can’t wait to someday build my dream house, not for me but for those who truly need it.

I love my sister, not so much the dentist

Today I was up at the crack of stupid to do and early shift at work, this was to accommodate getting 4 cavities filled at 3:10pm. Left work went to the dentist office and got down to business….except the lovely dentist did not book enough time to get all four done which means I get to re-do today all over again tomorrow…. Only good news is it’s only one cavity…. I don’t remember fillings hurting as much as my poor mouth and jaw hurt right now. I did take some pain killers and I think I may take some more so this post may be short but full of awesome!

I want to say is that my sister Crystal is AWESOME at taking care of me when i’m not feeling well or making sure she is there for me.

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SELFIE!

When I get cavities done I have to hope that it’s not too sunny out because of the way my nerves are sometimes the freezing makes my one eye close. The problem is that if it’s sunny the other eye will also close making it slightly hard to navigate home. This has happened once and I was alone, I managed to get home safely however not quite sure how because I ran across a road not being able to see if there were any cars coming.

Crystal has also helped me on the 2 occasions in 1 year where I tore a muscle in my neck, the first time it happened my neck was sore but I found if I didn’t move around or move in a certain way I was ok. I got dressed put my shoes on and headed out the door to go volunteering. As I was standing at the bus stop waiting for the bus the pain became unbearable, I’m thankful that the bus stop is right near my house so I managed to make it home but by the time I got to the door I was in tears, I’ve been through a lot of pain but THAT was something altogether different and I hope none of you ever experience that. My mom helped me into the door, and crystal hearing me crying got out of bed to help me. She took my jacket off, my shoes, and went right to the internet to see what she could find that would help me. She came back with pain killers and a heating pad, she helped me get more comfy on my chair and every 10-15 minutes came to re-heat my heating pad. The next time it happened almost a year later I knew it was coming (one does not forget that pain) and I was able to minimize it, Crystal once again came to my aid, helped me up the stairs and got the heating pad. This time I managed to actually make it to work, of course Crystal thought I was nuts.

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Took this on our way to CALI in July 2013

I love my sister Crystal for all she does for me and for my mom, she is our mom’s primary care giver and has scarified a lot. I love that Crystal introduced me to World of Warcraft, Firefly and loads of other things. I love that when she accidentally made me fly over my handle bars of my bike as a kid she took the best care of me. I love her passion for collecting dragons and try to get her new ones when I can. She even has an awesome BIG dragon tattoo on her leg! I love that she doesn’t get made easily and when I get moody she rolls with it. I love that we are into the same things but I love that we also like different things, I like when I can get something that I like that she will think is the ugliest thing around but we laugh at it together. I love that when I’m out with her and I get frustrated that I’m being stared at she tells me to just forget about them while secretly giving them the stink eye!

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Check out this tat!

So this post is mostly about my love for my awesome sister Crystal and my not so much love for the dentist! One more tooth to get filled and one tooth that will get extracted in a few weeks..Oh what fun!

How was your day? How did everyone cope with the weather where they are?