Written on Monday June 24th, 2019

I’m on my way to the doctors. Pretty nervous. I don’t want to write this. I hope with any luck this post will never see the light of day but if your reading these words it’s not great.

Editing this on June 30th: I have ZERO results but posting anyways because like most things I do, I want to make sure others don’t feel alone, including me! So I’m posting this and that’s that. Some of you reading this already know, I love that you listened, gave me advice, and tried to make sure I didn’t over think (Thanks Kim <3}. To everyone else reading this, I’m ok, well emotionally I’m ok I’m on a roller coaster and just hanging on for dear life! Ok that’s a long edit message. On with the post!

I always said if I faced a big health crisis I wouldn’t ask for help. I would tell as few people as possible, put my nose to the grind stone and just deal with it. But recently a saw a video from Simone Giertz who had to under go weeks of radiation treatment for a brain tumour. Watch this video of hers Time stamp 8:50 but just watch the whole thing. She said she was like me in terms of not wanting to ask for help, but what she said next has stuck with me. She said that when she did everyone offered to help, so instead of dreading her treatments she looked forward to spending time with that given friend. That is such a bright thing to say and I hope if needed, I do would the same.

But kind of getting ahead of myself. WARNING: The following deals with monthly cycles so if this is not a topic that you are comfy with, stop reading.

For the most part like most women my period has been its own thing, different from others but stable for me. When I was really young I went for extensive hormone testing where I remember hearing that they didn’t expect me to go through puberty at the age most girls do. They figured probably 16 or later and/or with the help of drugs. Well they were wrong and January after turning 12 I started, just after gym class, the whole school some how learned, it wasn’t a great day. But since then I’ve gotten it every month, twice in the month of June when I was 16. I have a set cycle (as most women do) I get any/all the PMS things, it comes light at first, heavy for a few days then light again for another few days. I get cramps, most of the time they are brutal, I get migraines, and such. Afterwards about a week later I get discharge for a few day to a week. Typically I get a week or two at most per month where I’m not dealing with some aspect of my period. But that’s always how it’s been, that’s me, I’m ok with that.

Earlier this year things started to change. I started to spot the tiniest amount between periods. I didn’t think anything of it at first. In early April (on time_ish) I got my period, seemed normal, then 14-ish days later I got my period again. Figured maybe it was a one off, just changing cycle dates, no biggie. I got more spotting, but so tiny that even though my brain was screaming “THIS IS NOT NORMAL” I ignored it. After that and 19 day after the start of the last one got it agin and 20 days later again, and 18 days later again. This brings us to June 14th where things changed again. This flow was/is NOT a flow at all, it seems to be a slow drip a few clots here and there but nothing else. Enough for me to wear a light days pad, too much not to wear anything. I’m on day 10 haven’t had a period last this long since I first got them.

So I’m heading to the doctor with fingers crossed I will be able to delete the words I’ve just written. But only time will tell.

Like ever other fool I know, I’ve used Dr. Google and I’ve narrowed it down to 4 things.

1) pregnant ~ Nope

2) premenopausal ~ maybe, I am 37 so not unheard of

3) ovarian cancer ~ lord I hope not but the symptoms fit.

4) stress ~ ok this could be a thing but my stress level hasn’t drastically changed. Been stressed every day for the last 6 years. Doubt it caught up with me now.

Needless to say out of these I want it to be stress cause I’m not sure which of the other ones frightens me more. But until after my appointment I won’t know what I’m in for. And most likely won’t know even then..

EDIT:

Well I’m home, it’s been hours since I got home. I had a great conversation with the nurse practitioner about my issues. She has ordered bloodwork and a transvaginal ultrasound. I’ve done the bloodwork, having some medical knowledge I know what she is testing for.

She has agreed that what I’m going through isn’t normal. The two possible things she verbally told me it could be is something called fibroids or I’m pre-menopause. Makes sense and honestly hope it’s one of those. The bloodwork she wants is testing for tumour indicators in association with ovarian cancer but did not order CA-125 test so I could be wrong.

Like I said at the beginning I hope I will be able to delete this and you have not read a word of this.

written June 30th: clearly I posted this, let me stress I’m not looking for sympathy, or pity. I’m good at throwing my own pity parties and they are exclusive events you are not invited to. I’m just writing this trying to make sense of it, process it, and maybe someone else in the future going through this will know they were/are not alone.