Bye, bye 2018

On the cusp of 2019 figured I’d write some of my thoughts on 2018. To be honest 2018 was much like 2017. My life isn’t that exciting. I didn’t travel, didn’t make any awesome purchases, it was just another year. My sister and I have been doing what we’ve done everyday these last 5 years, being caregivers.

The things I am proud of though, was I tried a craft show for the first time. It was a flop but because of awesome friends it wasn’t a failure. I did some sales of knitting that will take me in to 2019. I explored my art self more in 2018 than in previous years and that has me excited. I like making things, I like being creative. The other more important thing I’m proud of for 2018 is taking my health more seriously. My sister complains that I’m a lot like our mom whereby I won’t go to the doctors when I probably should. After much nagging (done with and because of love) I made the decision to switch to a new family doctor. This has been a good thing and has led me to be officially diagnosed with asthma and I continue in to 2019 working through that.

Things that I wish were different this year is my anxiety. I have zero issues talking about it, it’s a part of me but MAN do I wish it wasn’t. It’s been tough trying to just get through some days. I look at my house and the sheer amount of stuff that needs to be cleaned, purged, changed is staggering. I get so caught up in what isn’t done, what I can’t do, what I should do, I just end up sitting with bad thoughts and nothing gets done.

With that anxiety I think about how I shot my own career in the head. I was finally getting opportunities (after nearly 10 years of asking, trying) and finally on track to get the position I had my heart set on when I shut down and shut that window. The position I wanted comes with some strings with the hardest being having to work the crappiest shift which is 1pm-9pm, for who knows how long. It’s how it’s always been done and I accept that. However I’m not like everyone else and I can’t drive so working that shift would be a strain, and a sacrifice I’m not able to bring myself to do. Thus I watch that part of me just float away. I never knew what I wanted to be growing up. Even now I honestly couldn’t tell you. Right now I’m just trying to stay afloat, keep my head down and just do my job so that I can provide for my family. Being the main source of income, making sure the mortgage is paid, bills are paid, everyone has what they need most and a few things they want needs to take priority and this is a hard lesson 2018 taught me. The good news on the work front is I’m now working from home which is great both for my mental and physical health.

I hope in 2019 I complete the 3 big knitting projects I have set. I hope I continue to do more art and even sell some pieces. I pulse love to redo my basement so in 2019 I hope to win the lottery cause as of today the black mould down there is just going to keep spreading cause I really don’t have a way to secure $50K. I hope for 2019 my family/friends and I don’t experience any further hardships. I hope that 2019 I can be better, for myself and for those I love.

Happy New Year everyone. All the best.

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