It’s been just over two years since I went head first in to the world of online dating. If you’ve read my post from that time you will already know what a colossal fail that was for me. It might come as a shock to some of you but I’m still single! I will say thanks to an awesome coworker I gathered the courage to try Tinder for a little bit however it produced zero results. I did get one guy who chatted with me for a tiny bit but he was only interested in coming over and tickling me… the world can be a strange place some days. I don’t judge, just wasn’t my thing and we just ended our conversation. I’m thrilled to report that I wasn’t the recipient of any harassment or negative comments like last time. I was however ignored; again nothing new to me here.
My views on relationships haven’t changed. My views on online dating for me haven’t changed. Only difference is I’m two years older and still haven’t really made any meaningful connections. I’m still a hopeless romantic that hopes that aspect of my life blossoms like it does in all those romantic comedies.
I know in order to make those types of connections one must venture out and put ones self out there however being a full time care giver really makes it that much harder. In a group I’m a member of within Facebook this topic hasn’t recently been talked about. Specifically on how it relates to having a facial difference. For me it’s heartwarming and encouraging that so many members of the facial difference community have connected with the loves of their lives or have just dated. It was also kind of comforting to see many facing the same struggles as I do, to be able to see I’m not alone.
One of the reoccurring thoughts I have in my head is that I’m ugly. That despite my bubbly, witty, and sarcastic personality I won’t find someone simply because of the way I look. Why would a guy choose a short girl with an odd face with a great personality when they can have a tall amazingly beautiful woman with an equally awesome personality? These thoughts tend to spiral and I think that maybe this is why I’m not further ahead in my career…
It’s an odd feeling to be alone when you crave companionship. This is an ongoing story in my life so stay tuned as I continue to navigate this thing called love in life.
As always I’d welcome your stories and thoughts. Feel free to leave a comment. Check out the companion video to this on y YouTube channel.
EDIT: I’m tired when writing posting this. In the video I elude to my online dating thing happening last year forgot it was TWO years ago. Wow time flies!
2 thoughts on “Check-in: still single”
You wrote: “One of the reoccurring thoughts I have in my head is that I’m ugly. That despite my bubbly, witty, and sarcastic personality I won’t find someone simply because of the way I look. Why would a guy choose a short girl with an odd face with a great personality when they can have a tall amazingly beautiful woman with an equally awesome personality?”
I have 2 things to say about this. First, I had a dog that was not very good looking, and she was dumb as a brick, super aggressive, destructive, yappy annoying, and generally a pain in the butt, but I still cried like a baby at the end of her life, because none of that made any difference for how I loved her. Secondly the problem for some beautiful women is that they are loved just for their appearance. The beauty will eventually fade, and sometimes so does the relationship along with it.
I have a sense that you are seeing life through its disappointments, and feeling that you are particularly burdened in that department. You are not the only romantic out there, and the others are probably just as pained by the lack of true romance in their lives as you. In love there is always one who kisses and one who turns the cheek, and the more you feel isolated from others the more others are likely to perceive you as isolated. We all need to feel valued by others as well as attracted to others. And we all are capable of suffering profound loneliness in the absence of any interaction with a significant other. One trick is to always imagine yourself good friend to yourself. Then at least you will never be totally bereft of good company.
You write very well Penny, and are an interesting, vibrant, caring person, others are frankly lucky to know. That in some ways strikes me as particularly remarkable given the difficulties you’ve had. You could have sunk years ago into despair given your obvious challenges but instead have found inner strengths that have very much enriched your life and those who know you. I do not think it either exaggeration of flattery to say that you are rather obvious inspiration to those who follow you.
I’ve never used the services of an online dating site, so I’m certainly not an expert on them, but I can easily imagine that the clientele is very varied, with the majority not being people you’d want to associate with. Perhaps in addition to seeking direct physical connection and contact with others, you might forge less direct but just as meaningful relationships with others through email. It is who you are that counts in an email, rather than how you look, and while it can be extremely difficult to forge committed relationships predicated only on words (most strike me as remarkably shallow and self centered, reluctant to write more than can be said in 140 characters) there is no intrinsic reason why friendships should be determined by physical proximity, age or appearance.
In such friendship, Ian