Check-in: still single

It’s been just over two years since I went head first in to the world of online dating. If you’ve read my post from that time you will already know what a colossal fail that was for me. It might come as a shock to some of you but I’m still single! I will say thanks to an awesome coworker I gathered the courage to try Tinder for a little bit however it produced zero results. I did get one guy who chatted with me for a tiny bit but he was only interested in coming over and tickling me… the world can be a strange place some days. I don’t judge, just wasn’t my thing and we just ended our conversation. I’m thrilled to report that I wasn’t the recipient of any harassment or negative comments like last time. I was however ignored; again nothing new to me here.

My views on relationships haven’t changed. My views on online dating for me haven’t changed. Only difference is I’m two years older and still haven’t really made any meaningful connections. I’m still a hopeless romantic that hopes that aspect of my life blossoms like it does in all those romantic comedies.

I know in order to make those types of connections one must venture out and put ones self out there however being a full time care giver really makes it that much harder. In a group I’m a member of within Facebook this topic hasn’t recently been talked about. Specifically on how it relates to having a facial difference. For me it’s heartwarming and encouraging that so many members of the facial difference community have connected with the loves of their lives or have just dated. It was also kind of comforting to see many facing the same struggles as I do, to be able to see I’m not alone.

One of the reoccurring thoughts I have in my head is that I’m ugly. That despite my bubbly, witty, and sarcastic personality I won’t find someone simply because of the way I look. Why would a guy choose a short girl with an odd face with a great personality when they can have a tall amazingly beautiful woman with an equally awesome personality? These thoughts tend to spiral and I think that maybe this is why I’m not further ahead in my career…

It’s an odd feeling to be alone when you crave companionship. This is an ongoing story in my life so stay tuned as I continue to navigate this thing called love in life.

As always I’d welcome your stories and thoughts. Feel free to leave a comment. Check out the companion video to this on y YouTube channel.

https://youtu.be/j8sGy4Aa8Z8

EDIT: I’m tired when writing posting this. In the video I elude to my online dating thing happening last year forgot it was TWO years ago. Wow time flies!

Nice to meet you!

For today’s post I’d thought I’d talk a little bit more about myself. My name is Penny Lynn and I was born on September 16th, 1981; which after a quick search on Google I find it was a Wednesday. I could probably use Google to tell me what the weather was like but figured that might be over the top.

I was born in Kitchener Ontario Canada, at the time of my birth my family consisted of my mom Marian, my dad Allan, and my two older sisters Pam and Crystal. I don’t really recall where exactly we were living but I’m pretty sure it was in a little area in town known as Centreville, pretty sure we lived in a townhouse complex.

I’m currently 36 years young and not quite sure how that happened. Time just kind of flew by; it’s odd that with the passage of time it feels as if it goes faster the older you get. Would you agree?

I was born with two craniofacial conditions called Goldenhar Syndrome & Left Hemiofacial Microsomia. I’m not sure if my parents knew ahead of time that I was going to be born this way. I have memories where I thought we talked about how it was a shock but I don’t always trust my memories. I spent a good amount of time at my local hospital KW hospital now known as Grand River Hospital before being all packed up and flown by helicopter to The Hospital for Sick Children in Toronto. I’m ptretty sure based on limited information I have I spent the first year of my life or near it in Hospital. When I was born I weighed about 2.04kg (4.5 pounds) and I was born at full term.

Sadly I don’t have any pictures of me as a baby so I can only imagine what I looked liked. The two conditions I was born with impact the bone and soft tissue formation in the face and typically impact only one side (but not always). For me my left side was just missing a good chunk of the structures. I was born with no bottom left side jaw bone, no left cheek bone, the bridge of my nose was not present, half of my left eye lid was missing, my esophagus slants at an odd angle to the left and my top jaw was in two pieces. I also had a number of skin tags just randomly placed although I’m not sure how many. Must have been quite a few as this is the tissue they used to reconstruct the missing half of an eyelid.

I’m not sure if NG tubes or feeding tubes directly in the stomach were widely used in the 80’s or even trachs but I didn’t have any of those. My mom told me that to feed me she used an eye dropper. Can you imagine how long that would have taken? I know had I been born in the 2000’s I’d most like have been tube fed.

In addition to my eyelid being fixed my palate was sewn together however to this day my top jaw is still technically in two pieces it remains what’s is called as an un-repaired midline cleft. It does make a difference that I can tell but I do know that the roof of my mouth is more like the top of a pyramid and not rounded like yours most likely is. This is probably why I can’t whistle, blow bubbles from bubble gum, or even blow up balloons. My tongue also seems to be misshaped and I actually can’t stick my tongue out. When I try it reaches the very tip of my lips but it’s not very visible. When I was younger and I wanted to stick my tongue out at a kid who was being mean I used to get my sister Crystal to stick her tongue out at them on my behalf.

Most adults who were medically fragile as kids are able to say how many surgeries they went through but I honestly cannot say. I don’t know how many procedures and actual surgeries I had as a kid. From my memory I’ve had my nose fixed twice, deviated septum fixed twice, two attempts to fix my jaw. The first one I kind of remember but nothing really. Two reversals of said attempts to fix my jaw, plus a few minor procedures some to do with my condition some not related at all. Oddly I still have my appendix and tonsils. My mom wasn’t the type to write things down or keep a journal. She also just went along with what the doctors told her and never really asked a lot of questions. I don’t blame her for that it’s just an observation.

As an adult I’m fairly healthy I’d say in the last 5 Year’s I’ve gained some unwanted weight and I’m not eating the healthiest but sometimes the easiest food to eat due to my jaw is the stuff that is pretty bad for you. Like cheesecake that stuff doesn’t require a whole ton of chewing power for me to plough one down my gullet….dang now I want cheesecake…

Well guess that’s the best place to leave this post. Until next Monday!

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Happy New Year

I hope everyone had an amazing Christmas, holiday season, or just enjoyed some much needed rest. We haven’t been big in to Christmas for a number or years so it’s not something that’s important to me but I did enjoy my long weekend.

I wanted to try something out this year different from what I’ve done in the past. I want to try to do a weekly blog on my YouTube channel and pair it with a written blog. So that they compliment each other. Also I know I’m not tech savvy enough to know how to add closed captioning to my YouTube videos but I want them to be accessible so if I write a blog post as a companion it will be a great way for all to be able to be included.

I wanted to try and set goals as I’ve never been one to really finish much I’ve started, doing one weekly I’m hoping will be achievable. I’ve got about 8 weeks worth of ideas written down. If you have suggestions on things you want me to cover let me know. I don’t have a real niche I’m kind of all over the map I like that about me. Some of what I will talk about will be about living with a facial difference but other stuff will be just random.

Some of my other goals for 2018:

~ will be to lose some weight would love to lose 10-15kg (20-30lbs).

~ will be to get some awesome make up and get good at applying it myself.

~ knit myself something awesome

~ pay off my credit card debit. Thankfully it’s not crazy high but still keeps me up at night.

Those are about it. Nothing really “out there”. All of those goals are obtainable, tried to keep them realistic. These are goals I can break down and have milestones set throughout the year. What are some of your goals?

I wish all my readers, friends, and family a wonderful 2018. Let the lows just flow away and let the highs be your light. Be kind to those around you and know I’m always here for you!