1983

on June 30th, 1983 at the age of 42 Allan Douglas Loker died of a heart attack. He left behind 3 daughters and a wife. I’m one of the daughters that got left behind.

I don’t much about him, I know that he liked to race stock cars, he did skeet shooting, he did those fancy plaster things you see on ceilings, that he worked for the same company for 18 years, and that he was unfaithful to his loving wife. I always used to imagine that when I turned a certain age there would be a package sent from him to me or a letter that would allow me to get to know him more than I do. My mom never talked about him much, whenever we really pressed for information she would say she didn’t remember. Now after her stroke any hope of any information is now long gone. My view of him is tainted by the acts of betrayal I knew he committed.

My mom had 4 girls and my aunt had 4 girls, needless to say I haven’t had a lot of positive male role models in my life. Not to say I haven’t had any but for the most part I’ve looked outside my family for role models. I’m a huge fan of TV, movies, science, pop culture, etc so the ongoing list of men with whom I admire is as follows. There is no particular order but each of these men have qualities that I imagine my dad would have had, or what I’m looking for in a future husband.

William Shatner

Photo Credit: @WilliamShatner twitter

Mr. Shatner is the father I wished I had, he is funny, smart, witty, loves horses, and he does a hell of a lot of charity work. With the social media craze Mr. Shatner engages his followers, fans and haters like no one else. I’ve been lucky to exchange a few tweets with him.

Lennox Lewis


I’ve met Lennox and we attended the same high school (years apart), He is genuinely nice engages with his fans. He is a family man above all else which is the biggest reason why admire him. I like to think I can consider him a friend.

Kevin Hart

Photo Credit: @KevinHart4real Twitter

I’ve been a big fan of Mr. Hart’s movies, and I always look forward to his next project. In all the interviews I’ve seen him give he seems true to himself, is compassionate and speaks with true passion about his family. He would be someone I’d just love to hang out with, have a drink. I would love to seem him do a dramatic roll to balance all the comedy.

Ryan Reynolds

Photo Credit: @VancityReynolds Twitter

I’m drawn to other Canadians as I feel being from the same country we “know” each other. I of course have never met Mr. Reynolds but meeting him is totally on my bucket list. I’m constantly amazed at how much of himself he gives to the world and have to thank him for it because he truly does make this world a better place. I’m slightly jealous of his wife who gets to know him as no one else does but knowing how devoted he is to his family (based on things said in interviews) I can’t help but admire him.

Dwayne Johnson

Photo Credit: @TheRock Twitter

The Rock…Dwayne…Mr. Johnson, whatever name he goes by there is no denying his genuine appreciation for his fans. He loves encouraging others to be their best. He has made me laugh with his tweets, and has made my day when he has tweeted me back.

Chris Hadfield

Photo Credit: @Cmdr_Hadfield Twitter


Mr. Hadfield, another Canuck, made space “cool” again. He made others look up to the stars and dream about what lay beyond. I have NO doubt that some of the kids he interacted with while on the International Space Station will grow up to become astronauts themselves. I haven’t yet had the pleasure of meeting him but when I do a hug is in order. His bravery, curiosity, and inelegance are qualities that should be celebrated.

Stephen Hawking


Mr. Hawking is a brilliant mind who doesn’t let anything stop him. Having to deal with tons of personal issues while producing mind blowing science is simply amazing. I wish I had only a portion of his smarts. I heard some years ago that he was coming to my neck of the woods to do a lecture and I missed it; I hope he comes again because seeing him speak is something on my bucket list. I have no doubt I would be hopelessly lost in the lecture but just being there would make me feel a tad smarter.

Nathan Fillion

Photo Credit: @NathanFillion Twitter


From Firefly to Castle Mr. Fillion has never ceased to entertain and make me laugh. It’s his work outside of that I admire the most. He has lent his voice to a number of charities that I hold dear to my heart. He regularly engages his fans/followers on social media. Oh and he is Canadian as well 🙂

Zachary Levi

Photo Credit: @ZacharyLevi TwitterOne 

One of my favourite things about Zachary is the work he does for Operation Smile (http://www.operationsmile.org/). For the past few years during SDCC he has gotten a bunch of people together and raised a lot of money to help kids who like me were born with a facial difference. Mr. Levi is funny, kind, generous, and super cute! One day I hope to be able to attend SDCC again but specifically go to all the Nerd Machine events.

Joseph Mallozzi


Joe has been responsible for some of my favorite TV of all time. He has one of the most creative minds that I know and he genuinely cares. He has been keeping up a blog daily for a crazy amount of time and when I started my own blog I had hoped that I would be just as good at it as he is. Sadly I’m not but i’m totally ok with that. I’m super excited that his Dark Matter season 2 premiers tomorrow and I hope everyone gives it a watch. You should also read/follow his blog (https://josephmallozzi.wordpress.com)

Jared Padalecki

Photo Credit: @jarpad Twitter


#AKF stands for Always Keep Fighting, as Jared continues to work on an amazing show called Supernatural he has been upfront about his battle with depression. He used is reach to let us all know that we are not alone. Many in the SPN Fandom have opened up and come together to help each other through some really hard times. I love watching Jared tell stories of pranks he and his casts mates have pulled on each other and I love seeing the love he has for his family.

Lin-Manuel Miranda

Photo Credit: @Lin_Manuel Twitter


I’ve only recently discovered Lin-Manuel thanks to the success of his Broadway hit Hamilton. I’ve listened to the soundtrack and like probably 75% of the world I really REALLY want to see this musical. I have watched a lot of the interviews he has done and he seems like one of the nicest people ever. He genuinely wants to help people and the territory he comes from. If I saw him on the street it would be hard for me not to give him a hug. On a side note I creeped his Twitter to find a picture and in almost every picture he has posted he is with someone else and has the biggest smile on his face! Class!

This list could go on-and-on-and-on. I know who I am as a person, I’ve said this before and it still hold true. I don’t need a “man” to define me but would be sure nice to have one stand with me. I like to think that some of person I am is because of these guys influence. As I continue to grow as an individual I will continue to seek to look to positive influences to help continue to guide me. On this the anniversary of my father’s death this might be one of the first years I haven’t wondered so much on what would have been. I continue to look forward and hope that he would have been proud of the woman I have become and that he would have agreed with the men I choose to look up to and admire.

2 thoughts on “1983

  1. So you and I also share the fact that we lost fathers early. Mine died when I was 21. It is something one lives with the sorrow of regretting. Perhaps you should get involved in tracing your family ancestry. It is interesting to know who lived where, what the families they grew up in were like, etc. It helps flesh out that which one knows little about.

  2. Yeah, maybe if you look inside the little pieces of information that related people next to him could give to you, you can complete a whole. You may not need a reconstruction indeed, but maybe you can get surprised by the similarities that you can find out. Sometimes family problems can hide – without intention – the invisible bonds that members share… Of course, in some cases it’s better just to imagine, to recreate a imagen better than reality; but I think as human beings we have some positive things inside us to share.
    PD: I personally agree with Mr. Hawking in this list, I even can’t dream about going a lecture, wish you dream could be one day true! *u*
    (Sorry for my english mistakes, it’s not my native language)

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