Yesterday I posted about my extremely brief foray into online dating, I wrote about how I felt it failed. Let me expand on that today.
I got a lot of great feedback, I also saw some comments suggesting I gave up far too quickly, that I should have stuck it out because not all guys are dicks, or assholes. I do know this, I have met real life guys who are awesome, they’re already taken.
I’m pretty self-aware, I know who I am, I know what my flaws are. One being I’m not willing to compromise what I’m looking for. I’m a very independent woman, I take after my mom in that trait. I know I don’t NEED a guy in my life, that isn’t to say I don’t want one ’cause I do. I know that I would be ok going through life as is, alone, doing my own thing but I do understand the quote:
I have this vision of my “perfect” guy (yes I can hear that laugh and snicker) and I won’t settle. It’s not a visual image, lord knows I don’t judge in that department, but it’s more of a emotional image. I want a guy who just fits right in, I want a certain feeling and I can’t get that online.
It’s more my fault than theirs, with online dating I’m always suspicious, always waiting for the other shoe to drop. This is yet another flaw of mine, I’m always poised waiting for the other shoe to drop. I get weirded out easily by guys online claiming to “have a connection” because if I’m truly honest, I don’t feel it and I don’t know how to say that.
I have been told I have unrealistically high expectations when it comes to what I’m looking for. I want a guy who also knows who he is, he has a job (or does volunteer work in the event he can’t work), I want someone who loves animals and music equally, who would attend a hockey game one night, and an art exhibit the next. I want someone who loves camping, skiing, video games and boarded games, also being handy wouldn’t hurt. I don’t want someone much older than me, I know age is only a number but for some reason it’s important to me.
I didn’t give up online dating because someone told me I was ugly, I did give it up because the potential to be told that on a regular basis is exhausting. I get that in the real world, I get it, don’t need to keep beating that nail on the head. I gave up online dating after a short time because I knew it wasn’t the right outlet for me. I need to interact in the real world, I need to see their facial expressions, hear their tone of voice.
It’s not them, it’s me!
5 thoughts on “Why I threw in the towel”
Have you ever read “Till We have Faces” by C.S. Lewis. It is a strange, easily read tale, about three princesses growing up children of a King in some minor kingdom in pre-Christian (barbarian) times. The three sisters are polar opposites; one is frivolous, keen to grow up, then keen to not grow further; the second is incredibly beautiful; and the third so ugly that her father describes her as likely to curdle milk. And yes, the third is ugly, as we all perhaps are ugly, but not in the way she appears. She is the central first person character and so easily relatable too. Might help remind you that beauty is skin deep, and that the general population is very fickle. Great story — all about the real meaning of reality, and how little we grasp it when living it. Send me an address, and I’ll order it for you. I prefer to buy other people books than to give away my own copies 🙂
That would be cool. I will DM you on FB my address.
Penny. In the very first episode of the first series in the Game of Thrones HBO series Tyrion the dwarf encounters Jon Snow in the foundry, and makes a point of immediately observing “And you, you’re Ned Starks bastard”. Jon is visibly offended, but undeterred Tyrion continues “You are the bastard though”. And then he goes on to add this. “Let me give you some advice bastard. Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armour, and then it can never be used to hurt you.” And Snow replies, “What the hell do you know about being a bastard”; to which Tyrion replies “All dwarfs are bastards in their fathers eyes”.
Great lines, good advice and a great show if you can stomach it. http://www.tvfanatic.com/quotes/let-me-give-you-some-advice-bastard-never-forget-what-you-are.
This might amuse you..
If it does, enjoy, Ian
P.S. Check out the video on this page.. down at the bottom.