A heavy heart


Sorry readers, this isn’t going to be a fluffy, happy post, tissues may be required.

Whether it’s the loss of a parent, a friend, sibling, co-worker, or beloved pet, loss is tough. This has been a rough week for people I respect and admire.

I’m not a stranger to loss, it’s been a constant companion my whole life.I have lost all of my Grandparents, my older sister (she passed before I was born), my father, my aunt, and various friends, co-workers, and 2 cats. Today I write about the loss of others.

One of my favourite author’s and a a man I admire has let us know that he has lost his beloved cat Glaghghee. Having followed his blog for a number of years and reading his books I can tell you that John Scalizi has a heart of gold. His cat was the cutest thing and seemed to have much knowledge. I find having gone through losing my 2 cats some years ago that the fact Glaghghee passed on her own terms should be a comfort, she felt so safe and loved. If you want to read how the loss has impacted him here is the link to his post speaking on it: http://whatever.scalzi.com/2015/01/25/ghlaghghee-2003-2015/. If you haven’t read his blog or his books, I highly recommend him.

My friend Crystal is grieving for her dear friend today, who passed away officially today but left on Friday medically. I asked Crystal what I should write about today, she said she didn’t know. I wanted to write something that would cheer her up I fear this is whole heartily the opposite but writing is all I can do besides being there for her as I have been. Out of respect for her friend I will not say her name or describe exactly what happened, those close to her reading this will know for whom I speak, the information is not mine to give. I wasn’t lucky enough to know this sweet woman but listening to Crystal tell stories and laugh makes me even more sad that I will never get to know her. She had gone through a rough few years and was so close to getting everything she wanted. I had just slipped the RSVP to her wedding in the mailbox the other afternoon after work, I’m truly saddened to think her fiancee will have to open that, Crystal and I were getting excited to go buy some “hoochy” dresses, and I was getting excited to get to know her more and hang out with her. Instead I will be celebrating the life of a lovely person who has left us way too soon, who on the cusp of true happiness that was more than deserved will shroud us in sorrow.

Loss of a loved one or friend never makes sense, when it’s unexpected and sudden you will always be left with more questions than answers. I know there are those who believe and take comfort in the grand plan that God has, for those who know me, they know that this is not something I can get on board with. For me it will never make sense but for the simple fact that we are not immortal, we will live, we will die, the time we have left is not predetermined just a matter of time. The loss of a child is for me the hardest thing I can imagine, knowing my mother has gone through that, that one of my co-workers is still struggling with that is beyond my comprehension and one reason I’m OK with not having kids. I have been good up to this point putting one foot in front of the other but if I had a child and I had to go through that, it would unravel me, for this I am sure.

Many of us who are helping a friend or loved one through a loss it’s an odd role but extremely gratifying and important. I like to think that my past losses give me a unique perspective I know that there will never be the “right thing to say” that you shouldn’t force the conversation. I listen, I laugh, and as I did today with Crystal I reminded her that it’s ok to be pissed off, it’s ok to not understand what the heck just happened, it’s OK to tell a person whom your not close with that it’s not really the best time to come and talk to you. Crystal told me today that she was thankful for the chance to say goodbye to her friend, I’m so proud of how strong Crystal is even if she doesn’t see it in herself at this moment.