Have you ever “Googled” yourself

I have searched for myself on the internet every once and while before all of this craziness and only a few things came up. I decided to Google my name this evening and I’m kind of shocked at how much comes up. The entertaining thing about Google is looking at the images that they associate with what you are looking for. Try Googling yourself let me know what comes up.

Someone also alerted me a few days ago to an apparent online conversation that was going on social media site called MetaFilter. I had NEVER before see this website and I didn’t stay to sign up because if I sight up for any more social media I will explode!

What was really interesting was the conversation. Most of it was good and constructive and open dialogue about how other people felt about the article but also about their feelings in general. I’m going to copy and paste a few of them and respond to them. In the even that someone reads this and I copy and pasted your comment and you wish me to remove please leave a comment or email me directly and I will take the appropriate action.

sfred wrote:  She was on CTV as well last night, she’s got a lot of guts doing this, and is of course absolutely right. What are we saying when we hold a real, live person to be so grotesque that their picture merits a warning?

me: I agree (clearly) with the bottom portion of this comment. I have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that when someone looks at ME they don’t “see” me. I also agree there is no amount of “grotesque” within a live human being that deserves any warnings labels.

thelonius wrote: “…….. It seems like that’s the cultural background that Ms. Loker is fighting against – disfigurement is something that must be hidden, it’s too horrible for people to be exposed to or even told about. That’s courageous as hell, and I admire her.

But I’m not totally OK with discounting the reality that a lot of people cannot handle pictures of this, and are pretty traumatized by suddenly being shown them on the news. Not sure what the right thing is here.”

ME: Hit the nail right on the head. I am trying to fight upstream against a society that enjoys placing labels on EVERYTHING, not just people but I mean everything. A really great point that was touched on in this comment was about “hiding” people who have a facial difference and I will touch on this in a future entry.

crossoverman wrote: “I’ll admit it makes me uncomfortable, but I personally view that as a character defect of mine – something I should face and address. 

I am the same way; I know it’s my issue to address, but congenital deformities are something that make me very uncomfortable. But I’m not asking for a warning.”

ME: this comment was in response to el io’s comment which I have boldded above. I LOVE that both of them realize the fault is with them. This is why when I was depressed and it was suggested I try anti-depressants I refused. I don’t/didn’t see my self as different therefore I didn’t think the medications would work since it wasn’t my attitude that needed adjusting but everyone else.

Wingless_angel wrote: “Right on. I have microtia (a relation of Penny’s conditions) and most of my life after early childhood I wore my hair over my ear to save other people from seeing it. Only recently have I realized I should be proud, confident of who I am and if other people are disturbed, well. F***k them”

ME: YOU GO GIRL!! on my good days telling every idiot to F*** off is great in theory but more times then not I’m too afraid to say anything.

SPrintF Wrote: “I don’t know. I’m obviously, physically deformed, but I’ve never expected anyone to accept me as I am. I avoid mirrors and shiny surfaces for a reason; I understand that I am repulsive.

That’s the thing: I’m not blind or stupidly entitled, like this woman seems to be. I understand and appreciate physical beauty. And I understand that I’m condemned to the shadows forever.

In my life, I’ve encountered a few kind people who have been able to smile at me, but they are rare. Everyone else tolerates me, at best, but everyday I see the contempt in their eyes.

“Some are born to sweet delight,
Some are born to endless night.”

Welcome to the world. That’s just the way of things.”

ME: I take offense to this individual saying that I am “…blind or stupidly entitled”. The smart ass in me wants to say that technically i’m visually impaired does that count? But in all seriousness I do not see myself as “blind” or “entitled” I’m FAR from it.  I’m not sure how reading the CNN article lead anyone to believe anything other then that the story was about my experiences. I also don’t look in mirrors or shiny things for the same reason. I have NO illusions as to how I look to others. I’m reminded every day as I go to and from home. When ever I have talked to people I have reinforced the fact that I prefer the shadows. I have been told by many people I know that they had to “get used to me”, I am not immune to the looks I see when parents see me, look at their kid then look back at me and shake their head. I wonder everyday how people can look at me I find myself also repulsive so I really identify with this comment and feel the same angry that this person does. I feel bad if the person who commented this doesn’t have a “family” or “support”. I know by posting this comment readers will be quick to come to my defense. This is strictly not required!!

It really is all about perspective I use humor and sarcasm as a defense mechanistic  It doesn’t always work.  We all have bad days but there is NO way to compare. 

4 thoughts on “Have you ever “Googled” yourself

  1. various times I see you heading for your bus ride home when I’m heading to my wife’s office to bring her home, all I see is a cousin that I’ve been wanting to meet for quite sometime now… warts and all!

  2. Several interesting points of view listed in this post. As a society we like to put things in categories, deciding what is good/acceptable, but we shouldn’t be doing that with people. I am glad there are people out there like Penny who will speak up when they see something wrong (like in the case of the CNN article with a warning label).

  3. Hey,

    The last guy…. I don’t think his attitude is particularly healthy. To me, and this is just my opinion, mind you, his words speak of resignation, and insecurity. Both of these are normal and very human qualities, but taken to an extreme, they manifest a whole new form of “deformity.” Take from this what you will, but it would be a waste of time to be upset with someone who has simply accepted his own version of social exile. I think you’ve “hit the nail on the head” when you said he might not have good support in his life, and this is how that has manifested itself. Have a good day Penny!

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